Today a Facebook friend called Attachment Parenting creepy.
I got a little worked up.
The irony is that I'm probably the most ambivalent Attachment Parenting type around. We did not enter parenthood ascribing to any particular philosophy. I hoped to breastfeed for six months... Juliette self-weaned at twenty-five months. We assumed our babies would sleep in a crib... pardon me while I laugh so hard I fall off my chair. If we want anyone to get any sleep at all, it's the more the merrier in the king-sized bed.
We follow most of the practices of Attachment Parenting not because we think it's the only way to parent. We do what works for us, and it just so happen that what works for us is AP. Which is not to say it's always easy. Our children are terrible sleepers. Juliette nursed throughout the night - like, four to seven times a night - until she was well into her second year. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I did not have warm, fuzzy feelings about the Attachment Parenting
philosophy at that point. Indeed, it seemed like the best
it could do for me was provide a worldview in which I was not a total
failure as a parent. As far as the AP folks were concerned, we were
doing everything exactly right.
Do you know how desperately I needed someone to tell me were were doing okay? It's just about the only thing I needed more than sleep.
The best $50 I ever spent was for the lactation consultation with the specialist who devised a wonderful, practically tear-free way to nightwean her at twenty months.
We talked about trying to nightwean Genevieve in March. And then March came and went and I just didn't want to do it. It would be like giving up my superpower. I can comfort my baby through anything. Illness, teething, traveling, you name it. The kid whimpers, and I barely have to wake up to get her back to sleep. We're going to double the value of that $50 advice by pulling the same trick when Genevieve is ready.
Jamie Lynne Grumet is getting raked over the coals. I think her big mistake was trusting Time Magazine. I would be very, very surprised if she knew that the headline accompanying her picture was going to read "Are You Mom Enough?". In her Q&A with the magazine she said, "There seems to be a war going on between conventional parenting and
attachment parenting, and that’s what I want to avoid. I want everyone
to be encouraging. We’re not on opposing teams. We all need to be
encouraging to each other, and I don’t think we’re doing a very good job
at that."
Yes, what she said.
Which is to say, please don't call my parenting style creepy. Got it?
Also, you should read Where is the Mommy-war For the Motherless Child. It's much better than anything I had to say about any of this.
Hear hear and amen.
ReplyDeleteHer quote is priceless! Seriously, women supporting each other is a beautiful thing!!!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of the negativity stems from fear and thinking if someone is doing it one way, than I must be wrong. And that couldn't be further from the truth!
When I was a Parent Educator for the Parents as Teachers program, I always encouraged my parents to do what was right for their family. If it was working, than why mess with a good thing. I always encountered so many mommies (and daddies) feeling guilty about some parenting issue when there was no need.
Are you my sister from another mother? And did our girls share play books? Anyhow... I SO relate to this. I don't wholesale subscribe to the AP philosophy, didn't make a choice before I met my kid... though I was being subtly nurtured that direction by my midwife sister, but my kid made me a more or less attachment parent with exceptions (she hated to be worn, for example)... recently somebody asked me about all the careful thought that went into nursing my daughter until past 3... I said, "well, I could pretend I did it because it is best for her brain or her bond or whatever, but really... i did it because she made it clear that that was what we were going to do. I did it because of the cues I got from my kid. I NEVER imagined I'd be a toddler nurser." She made it clear that wanted to nurse ALL.THE.TIME. from day one... and night nursed, several times a night, until we negotiated a night wean at 25 months... I truly believe that I am parenting the child I was given in the way that works for her and for us... and that happens to look more like what Dr. Sears would recommend than Dr. Ferber or the Babywise person or... But the mommy wars drive me nuts. Most of us are doing the best we can and don't fit neatly in any philosophy. And when we start assuming we could parent another parent's child better than they are... we should re-evaluate. WE DON'T KNOW THAT CHILD! And until we spend day and night with a child... for weeks on end... we really can't be sure how we'd parent them. Or at least I know I couldn't be sure. I don't think we'll be having another child, but I am curious how a different child would evoke different parenting choices (and a different stage of life, etc.) Anyhow... THANKS for this post! And thanks for linking on fb. I never read blogs anymore, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteLove the link steering us to higher thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the negative reaction is less about the tenets of AP and more about the provocative cover image. It begs for an opinion/reaction of some kind... the picture, not the info in the article which most people will never actually read having passed judgment on the cover alone.
And for the record my parenting "philosophy" is still evolving :) Right now I'd call it the Matthew method - "sufficient for the day is its own trouble".
And did our girls share play books? Anyhow... I SO relate to this. I don't wholesale subscribe to the AP philosophy, didn't make a choice before I met my kid... though I was being subtly nurtured that direction by my midwife sister, but my kid made me a more or less attachment parent with exceptions (she hated to be worn, for example)... recently somebody asked me about all the careful thought that went into nursing my daughter until past 3... I said, "well, I could pretend I did it because it is best for her brain or her bond or whatever, but really... i did it because she made it clear that that was what we were going to do. I did it because of the cues I got from my kid. I NEVER imagined I'd be a toddler nurser." She made it clear that wanted to nurse ALL.THE.TIME. from day one... and night nursed, several times a night, until we negotiated a night wean at 25 months... I truly believe that I am parenting the child I was given in the way that works for her and for us... and that happens to look more like what Dr. Sears would recommend than Dr. Ferber or the Babywise person or... But the mommy wars drive me nuts. Most of us are doing the best we can and don't fit neatly in any philosophy. And when we start assuming we could parent another parent's child better than they are... we should re-evaluate. WE DON'T KNOW THAT CHILD!
ReplyDelete